Well, I would agree that "oppressed" is (generally) going a bit far. If you are looking for a middle place between that concept and "treated equally," I think the phrase "discriminated against" covers it.

Your summary of our situation is pretty much right on target.

There is a massive setback contained in the simple phrase "Can't form a legally recognized life partnership." This impacts gay couples literally every day. In the heart, in the wallet, in the soul.

The massive sense of outrage and injustice I feel when I hear about a 40 or 50 year gay partnership ending with one death and one becoming homeless... it's maddening.

On a more personal level, I spent a couple nights in the hospital earlier this year, and my wife was asked to go home after visiting hours ended, because only "family" can stay overnight.

Also on a personal note, regarding your "harrassed, insulted or assaulted" bullet point, I have personally experienced all three in my adult life, simply as a result of just being me. (One occasion involved a hospital stay as well.)

Just yesterday at lunch, I listened to a coworker tell me a story about a close lesbian friend who lives here, but is a French citizen. She has been here for many years, with her employer promising to sponsor her for citizenship. Now that her time is running out, her employer has rescinded that promise. In the meantime, she bought a house, fell in love with a woman, and built a life here.

If she had fallen in love with a man, she could marry him to stay in the country. She doesn't have that option. She must instead leave her life here for at least a year and live abroad before she can come back and start the process over again. Massive injustice and inequality.

So, to answer your question... how bad do we have it?

It's still pretty bad. But it could be (and has been) a lot worse... and it IS getting better... just very, very slowly.