Here are my views:

Abortion: Don't get knocked up in the first place. They figured out where babies come from a long time ago. Birth control has been around for awhile too.

Healthcare: Nodoby cares about the poor and needy. You have no right whatsoever to get sick unless you can afford the costs of getting well.

Gun Control: Make the laws stiff as hell. That way you will have to be a criminal in the first place to get a gun. Also, allow NRA members to possess assault weapons with armor piercing bullets - as long as they aim the weapons at themselves whilst using them.

Gay Rights: It's already in place. The more money you have, the more rights you have. You got the green - nobody gives a shit if you're gay.

Illegal Immigration: Make Mexico part of the United States.

Iraq: Continue funding the war. That way, contractors like me can continue rolling in the bucks.