How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

The key word in this quandary is "if". The common woodchuck, or Marmota Monax, does not in fact chuck wood.
The name woodchuck was derived from the Cree Indian's word Otchek . The early European settlers apparently had a difficult time pronouncing the word, and adapted it to include two common English words.

As to the (now purely theoretical) question of "How much could it chuck, if it did indeed posess that capability?", i submit the following answer.


Both the Marmota Monax's short stature and curved spine conspire to give it a less than ideal throwing form. It's zaftig figure would rob it of much of it's ability to twist, thus limiting any distance it could hope to achieve. The last trait, and possibly the most revealing as far as it's ability to "chuck" would be it's stumpy appendages, and small paws. The woodchuck's paws are uniquely suited for digging soft soil, but little else. Their digits betray a lack of flexibility, which would cripple their ability to pick up any wood except for the smallest twig.

However, none of that matters, as we have found the key to answering the question with that last line. There is nothing in the question indicating required distance, size of the wood, or time limit. Even the smallest twig, chucked the shortest distance would count. Given an infinite timespan, the woodchuck could chuck an infinite amount of wood.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen,
*CP takes a bow*

Answer: He would chuck as much as a wood chuck could, if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

Haha. Great answers.

Best thread ever.

We were playing "Kings" the other day and both me and my roommate got pretty trashed. One person in the game made a rule that we would have to say, "How much wood would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood", and then touch our nose before we drank.

Lots of people could not say it fast or mixed the words up where they were forced to have another drink...We got drunk pretty fast I do have pictures

I love that game! I have only played a few times during the 6 months of my life where I lived in a dorm. Good times.