After at least a few weeks, if not a month, I'm ready to return to the board and post a bit more than I was. It's been a long few weeks, and I've made some upgrades in my life and personal philosophy. Indeed, part of my outlook on the world has changed, due in part to an unpleasant incident between me and a former friend and confidante that I'd rather not explain and a renewed understanding of my true nature as a human being.

Here are some notable changes, convictions, and observations about myself

-I could NOT find any freethought organizations in my town or Binghamton, so I have decided to take it upon myself to sform a fledgeling one once I reach the school in the fall. My hope is to get everyone with an interest together, form a basic plan for a statement of principles, activism, activities, getting leaders elected, etc. I'm confident there are more than a few people who are interested in the same things as I am, and I REALLY wanna get active, so it seems like a good idea if I can gather up the personal initiative and get the time.
-I've learned that I'm dependent on relationships and overly sensitive when it comes to them, as well as paranoid, jealous, and submissive when I am in the relationship. I'm still looking for somebody after my most recent breakup, which was crushing considering I really thought she was a good match for me, but I'm very wary, considering she was also a lying, cheating, dishonest, selfish person who I feel only used me as comfort after she left her last boyfriend.
-I'm still reading up on some stuff on religion, but I'm also very interested in the philosophy of a guy (and I know you've heard of him because I have mentioned him a few times) named Anton LaVey. I recently bought a copy of The Satanic Bible and I'm planning on reading it as soon as I get the chance, though I am well aware of his general philosophy, though I do not agree with it 100% and I would not label myself as a "satanist."
-I'm misanthropic! Yay for the failures of humanity in solving the world's problems and creating new ones every day! Seriously, though, I think I have pretty much lost my faith in the human ability to solve its own problems and I doubt that we ever will fix them, but it wouldn't hurt to try.
-I'm a Type 4 in regards to the Enneagram Test, which I'm not sure all of you are familiar with. Basically, I see myself as a deeply flawed individual and seek to clarify my thoughts and actions with a deeply introspective approach.

Aside from that, I have around a dozen flaws which I will not go into depth in regards to, seeing as they are either obvious already or I am not fully sure that they are serious. Or thI'm just too lazy to describe them. That's #1, failure to commit to unnecessary projects and misplaced apathy. And, of course, I let too much of myself be known to people, contrary to LaVeyan philosophy, which outlines another two problems, overreliance on external support and hypocritical actions.

My mind works in mysterious ways. Sorry if it seems like self-loathing or whining.

Welcome back hon!!!

Welcome back.

But I must say, perhaps you should read some different opinions in philosophy before you are taken in by "satanism". Satanism, in many regards is a path to despair. It, by it's very nature, generates a selfish attitude as it teaches in many regards that the selfish needs of the ego supersedes those of the collective. In this respect, it is opposite to Buddhism in non-theistic 'religion' or philosophy.

In Buddhism, however, the improvement of the self is synonymous with the improvement of others. In other words, living a life of compassion, no matter who it is, can generate true happiness. However, the Satanist approach is to give compassion only onto those which the individual deems appropriate, and advocates revenge against one's enemies. In many regards nihilistic, it's quite a crippling philosophy.

The two schools of philosophy are actually portrayed pretty well in Star Wars (seriously...believe it or not). In a few scenes in the newer films I could have thought Yoda was a monk there for a second. On the other hand, the philosophy of the "dark side" reminds me too much of Satanism.

I'm speaking on a day-to-day level. Every single day, I see no need to give help to those who don't deserve it or attention to those who crave it too much. It came after I had a deep seated hatred for somebody and realized that if I gave them the attention they did not deserve, then they won no matter what I did, so I largely put it out of my mind. I see it as a personalized form of capitalism, the idea that those who love and respect you deserve your love and respect, and those who do not deserve to be ignored until they prove they're worthy.

I think that is how we are naturally built as human beings. We are indeed designed for compassion, but only in those small personal groups, and we do not naturally feel compassion and empathy for those we dislike. I don't think anbody is expected to be caring and forgiving toward those who wrong them. Outside fo those groups, we are largely apathetic. I could not possibly be expected to love somebody who lives on the opposite side of the world, living in some exotic land that I know nothing about.

Nobody cares, because they can't see it. It's not resentment, just lack of perspective. People are only galvanized by photographs of starving children and dead civilians only after they see the pictures, often times not before, and almost nobody gathers up the initiative to actually do something about the wrongs in society. Instead, they focus on the care of those closest to them, because that's how they feel.

I pretty much realized it made sense after realizing I am, indeed, a very selfish person, and so are most people around me. It's like that with a lot of people. The reason why LaVey said satanists are "born not made" is because typically people do not have to reconfigure their lives around the central beliefs of satanism. They just realize that it applies to them naturally, just because it is part of huma nature to focus on oneself.