Defending the Truth

As soon as I signaled to get over in the right lane, the minivan behind me sped up, and I missed the exit. I retaliated by tailgating, bright lights on, all the way to the next exit. I killed the time reading the impressive collection of bumper stickers.

JESUS IS GOD, READ THE BIBLE and 911 WE REMEMBER. The license plate frame read ETERNAL PROTECTION PLAN on the top, and GUARDED BY ANGELS on the bottom. A Jesus fish swam in the middle.

When I got off the next exit, the driver flipped me off, and with a smile I returned the gesture. Jesus would be proud.

I am not an Atheist, but in the vast Nostraboris library, the bible is filed under fiction.

Flooding the place. Mind games with apples. Hiding golden tablets with new instructions? I can’t help but think of Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, L. Ron Hubbard, and especially Joseph Smith as silly drama queens. The universe is a large operation, and GOD has better things to do than dispatching messiahs and prophets, not to mention appearing in human form to entertain us.

In Godless Dutch high school, I learned that when a story is passed on for generations, it is called A legend, or myth. I skipped bible class, so to expain exactly how it becomes the word of God I had to develop a theory of my own.

Like rabbit feces, humanity has left behind a trail of myths. Rabbits find nutrition in their own excrement, and a similar pattern can be found amongst Humans and their legends. A phenomenon called RELIGION.

Religion in itself is harmless. Until cynical men decide to feed off it. They assume power, then provide guidelines of how to live. They build places to gather, supervise rituals, and initiate war against other ‘misguided’ religions. This institution is called the CHURCH.

Not all churches are bad. But as it grows, some churches resemble corporations. It successfully solicits donations from the guy in the minivan, who we will give the biblical name of Nimrod. With Nimrod’s money, staff is retained to enforce the guidelines. They are called PRIESTS.

Originally founded to shield society from the devil, the church ends up shielding the devil from society. When priests rape children, the church protects them from prosecution. Nimrod buries his head in the bible and shrugs it all off. I call that BULLSHIT.

To still a growing hunger, books, movies, TV channels and Mega churches arise. The sane scratch their heads in disbelief as Nimrod prays, pays, and obeys. We call it OPPORTUNITY.

The church’s nemesis through the ages is knowledge. After reluctantly abandoning the concept of a flat earth, it is weary of more distractions. The competition, evolution, offers no moral guidance, rituals, or services to attend, but is considered sacrilegous anyway. An insult is often a truth one doesn’t want to hear. I call it SCIENCE.

To Nimrod, evolution is offensive. As he scratches his ass and smells his finger, then picks his nose and eats the boogers, he knows his grandpa is no monkey. I call that DENIAL.

Flush with cash, and free of taxation, church funds are used to develop an alternative high school curriculum. Literature is made available to Nimrod, who home schools his kids. Also known as junk science, they call it INTELLIGENT DESIGN.

In the future, as seen by Nostradamus, faith remains strong.

When senator Larry Craig is found choking on a gag ball, with a live gerbil struggling to climb out of his rectum, he will manage to convince Nimrod he was set up by gay stem cell researchers.

The rumor that God is under attack will spread. Hysteria will drown out debate. Slowly, but certainly, the troop of predators will wear down its prey. Focus groups, magazines, radio hosts and lobbyists will take down democracy. In a frantic effort to protect baby Jesus, Nimrod will shuttle terrified believers to the polling booth in his minivan.

As a result, churches will outnumber schools, and prisons will outnumber hospitals.
Money borrowed from atheist China will subsidize companies importing everything they sell. Jobs making anything will vanish, and the entire middle class will be forced to enlist in the thriving army. Nimrod will buy empty shipping containers for scrap, and make a fortune renting them out to homeless veterans.

Fundamentalist Christians inside the U.S. Air force hijack a plane and bomb Iran. Barak Obama is assassinated. Bush and Cheney relocate to Dubai.

Corporate revenue grows exponentially while the nation is bled dry. As the world burns, the Empire under God leaves a boot print in the ashes. Dissent never reaches outside the safety of conspiracy theory movies.

With the help of Nimrod, Mitt Romney, who worships the prophet Moron, is elected president. An abstinence czar replaces the surgeon general. A christian version of the burka is introduced. The porn industry moves off shore and breaks new records.

Nimrod and I will continue to flip each other off until the end of time.

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I would have flipped you off too.

Amen OD.

Yes, that would be the man who fetches a beer for his woman!

. . . or possibly the man who said, "This cup is the New Covenant in my blood, do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of Me."

The Good Lord knows I like beer too though...

OhDear

As a former Church Deacon, I have served communion with the pastors many times. We would alway score the crust of the bread loaf so the pastors could break it easier during the ritual. Also, as congregationalists, we used grape juice instead of real wine.

Where I go, we use a goldenrod-colored wine. The Spanish congregation use apple juice instead of wine.

Where I used to go, is pretty much like you descibed. Port wine was used.

At a baptist church I attended many many years ago, communion was distributed periodically. I guess it was grape juice with crackers.