Mom and dad were heroes

I was born in 1934 during the Great Depression. Dad drove a city bus in Amarillo Texas. My family moved to a very small town in Oklahoma before my first birthday; I had four siblings at the time we moved from Texas to Oklahoma to manage a small café and hotel that was then being managed by my uncle who wished to return to farming.

During the next 15 years my family managed that café and hotel. The building and the business was owned by an absentee landlord, Mr. Ruttzel. The operation was a 24/7 job that took the total energies of all members of the family as each of us became old enough to work.

This operation allowed my parents to raise a large family in reasonably comfortable conditions throughout the depression and war years of World War II.

What is the meaning of ‘hero’? I have taken one definition from the dictionary and have modified it to represent my comprehension of this concept of ‘heroic’. Heroic is a concept meaning a “determined effort [directed to achieve good or deter evil] in the face of difficulty”. In this definition I define ‘good’ as being that which promotes human life and ‘evil’ as that which promotes human death.

I think that there are degrees of heroic action. Some heroes are greater than others depending upon the circumstances of their action. To be a hero often requires courage and often causes personal hardship.

On a scale of one to ten I would classify the following people as heroes in most people’s judgment:
Mother Theresa (10)
Police and firemen entering the burning buildings in 9/11 attack (8 to 10)
My mom and dad (7)
Men and women fighting in Iraq: our side (5 to 10) their side (?)
Youngster really trying to make good grades in school (7)

The psychologist Alfred Adler said: “The supreme law [of life] is this: the sense of worth of the self shall not be allowed to be diminished.”

Heroic actions are our means for maintaining our self esteem. Without heroic action we cannot maintain our own self-esteem. Self-esteem is self-respect. We judge our self as to the degree of worthiness for respect. We rely partially upon the judgment of others but that respect from others is filtered by our own judgments to how heroic our actions are.

It appears that we must feel self-esteem or we suffer mental illness of one degree or another. I gain self-esteem by reading lots of stuff, writing about that stuff, and posting that stuff on this forum, i.e. I am a self-actualizing self-learner (6).

What do you do for self-esteem?

What do you call a formal dance for ducks?

A fowl ball.

One reason that I posted this was because I wanted to introduce a word that is so very important to the sciences of psychology and psychoanalysis.

All that I have read about these two sciences indicate that what are called heroic acts are those acts that reinforce our self-esteem and with out self-esteem we are pitiful creatures.

We have many words in the language that have both a common usage and also have a technical usage. The word ‘hero' is one such word. I have been studying psychology and psychoanalysis for the last many months and these domains of knowledge use the word 'hero' in a technical manner.

One of the difficulties we always have when we try to learn a domain of knowledge that is new to us is learning the vocabulary. The OP reflects how this word is used in these sciences.

My act is heroic if I think it is and it is also heroic if others think that it is. If my act is heroic then my self-esteem grows. We are not talking about absolutes here. In some cultures if I stone to death my sister for dishonoring my family then my act is heroic.

Lack of self-esteem is one of the major causes of mental illness. This lack of self-esteem can also lead to obesity when the individual tries to find solace in food when self-esteem is not up to par.

I won't (because I can't) speak to the scientific analysis of your statement, Coberst; but my story is similair to yours.
I grewup in a two-parent household at such times when this was rare (as it still is). Being Black, I can definitely attest to the heroics of my parents in raising myself and my siblings with the sense of self-esteem, and the knowledge of the values instilled in us. During the 60's and 70's; we were exposed to many of the racist feelings and acts of the times, but were never allowed to embrace any of it- only to learn from it. And I will spend the rest of my life passing such values to my son; as will my brothers and sister will do with their children.
Lately, we seem to be having our fair share of uneducated racists and hate-mongerers here at DtT. People who want to blame rather than try to solve problems that seem to want everyone else to feel the same way they do.
I've been extremely luck in life; financially and otherwise. I make no bones (or excuses) about this. But the self-esteem you mentioned, Coberst; was the very first lesson drilled into me by my parents. The self-esteem that tells me that there is no problem that cannot be solved if one only makes the effort to do so. And that there can be no reward without effort.

Joe

I think that both you and I are very fortunate to have had the kind of parents that we had. Good luck

I definitely agree. If I were ever asked to name my heroes in life, my parents would be the very top of the list.
I can even say; Coberst, that my parents were firm believers in discipline. As a youngster, naturally I hated getting punished; but the thing I found out was that I learned a lesson each time it ever happened.
Nowadays, I see many kids with a total lack of discipline. Many of them come from teenage parents; whom also had no discipline.
When I graduated high school, my parents were shocked to see pregnant girls in my graduating class. There was one girl on her third child! Until the parents today really learn to be, and start being parents; we will see a generation of undisciplined morons upon us.

McMansions equals heroic action for American citizens.


"We're not selling shelter," says the president of Toll Brothers, a builder of upscale homes. "We're selling extreme-ego, look-at-me types of homes." In 2000, Toll Brothers' most popular home was 3,200 square feet; by 2005, it had grown 50 percent, to 4,800 square feet. These "McMansions" often feature marble floors, sweeping staircases, vaulted ceilings, family rooms, studies, home entertainment centers and more bedrooms than people.
'House Lust' Hits Home Article from Washington Post Jan 2, 2008