Plotted ‘Axis of Obesity,’ Says Bush

Saddam Hussein planned to destroy America by luring every man, woman and child onto the Atkins Diet, President Bush revealed today.

U.S. forces searching Saddam’s hideout in Tikrit uncovered the evildoer’s plans to destroy the U.S. with the fat-laden diet, the President said.

“We now have conclusive proof that Saddam Hussein and his agents intended to turn us into a nation of artery-clogged, cellulite-jiggling fatsos,” Mr. Bush said. “His evil knows no bounds.”

Mr. Bush said that the discovery of Saddam’s deadly diet plot justified the war with Iraq, calling the Atkins Diet “a weapon of mass consumption.”

The Defense Department later made available a copy of a seventeen-page memo, apparently authored by Saddam, detailing his plot to make the U.S. part of an “Axis of Obesity” including Britain and Spain, two key U.S. allies in the invasion of Iraq.

According to the deadly document, the Iraqi madman’s three-point plan was as follows: “1) Promote Atkins Diet 2) Market Atkins milkshakes, food bars, etc. 3) Watch them get fat and die.”

The White House later confirmed that the first apparent target of Saddam’s lethal Atkins plot was none other than Vice President **** Cheney, who confirmed that he was going off the diet “immediately.”

“Fortunately, the Vice President only gained seventy-five pounds while on the diet,” White House spokesman Scott McClellan said. “But that next Atkins shake could have been his last.”

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