| ||||||
| Off Topic Anything not relating to politics. A good place to cool off from all the debating. |
 |
| | LinkBack | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
01-10-2007, 09:25 AM
| #1 (permalink) | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Banned  Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Omaha Beach Posts: 7,298
 |  The History of Conservatives & Liberals Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals; and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair d ressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off. | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Sponsored Links |
|
01-10-2007, 01:05 PM
| #2 (permalink) | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Community Leader   Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Ann Arbor, MI, USA Gender:  Posts: 834
| Oh no! I was laughing! And it's not an email so I can't forward it. What does that make me??? | |||||||||||||||||||||
|
01-10-2007, 01:24 PM
| #3 (permalink) | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| Banned Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Omaha Beach Posts: 7,298
| Quote:
Before reading this, I was unclear as to who started villages, and why. | ||||||||||||||||||||||
|
01-10-2007, 01:29 PM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| Beer Man   Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: stuck in the middle Posts: 3,410 Country:  Thanks: 99
Thanked 271 Times in 156 Posts
| lol, thanks for the history lesson. Chris I just copied and pasted it onto an email and sent it out.... "We could not now take time for further search or consideration, our victuals being much spent, especially our beer." - William Bradford Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right..... Now offering premium membership for only $25.00!! Click here to get started.! | |
|
01-10-2007, 03:01 PM
| #5 (permalink) | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Block Captain   Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Virginia Gender: Posts: 436
| I had to cut and paste this to my guy! He's bound to get a real kick out of it. Oh, I forgot my son!!! Thanks for this one. regards, vharlow SongLyricsDatabase.com! Looking for those words? Check it out! As scarce as Truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. --J. Billings | |||||||||||||||||||||
|
01-10-2007, 06:20 PM
| #6 (permalink) | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| Community Leader Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Ann Arbor, MI, USA Gender: Posts: 834
| Quote:
 | ||||||||||||||||||||||
|
| Bookmarks |
« Previous Thread
|
Next Thread »
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
Linear Mode
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:52 AM.
