This is more personal, but also religious. As you all probably know, I'm agnostic. I've been this way for about four, maybe five months. Still, I've doubted my religion since middle school. I think I've come to terms with my realization that I can't possibly know the answers, but there was something I have been wondering.

My parents are pretty liberal and accepting of a lot of things, but still Roman Catholic. I have no idea how they would react, and my relatives are worse. They're all conservative, at least up to a point. I'm worried that if they found out then they would reject me, especially my parents. I'm going off to college soon, and what if they refuse to pay my tuition?

My question is this. First of all, should I tell them? I think they have a right to know, but I'm afraid of the consequences. Second, how? I want to do it before I leave home. Specifically, I'm asking anybody who has come out as a homosexual, because I realize how similar these two instances are and how difficult it is.

Anti,

First of all, you are so mature in the way you present yourself, I would not have ever guessed you were young enough to be my son!

Well done, in growing up!!!

And Anti, as much as you feel that your parents have the right to know, timing is everything. Not only for the benefits of a continued relationship when you feel dependent on them financially but for the preserving of the relationship you have with them. Now me, I have had to be easy going and accept whatever my kids brought my way that was different than my expectations or the way I brought them up. And I would not ever sacrifice relationship with anyone of them no matter what. And I am sure your parents would not want to lose out on what they have with you, simply because you are a free thinker, and trying out your own philosophies and mindset.

But I would still advise you to wait til it just becomes a natural part of the conversation at hand. If you present it as an issue to them, you are making it grave and they will feel a need to cast a judgment on your thoughts, if not on you. And they might not be ready to say, "Glad you are thinking Son!" for fear that they would be encouraging you away from the faith they brought you up to know in practice.

On the other hand, when the time is right, I would expect they might even encourage you to explore all the thoughts there are, for the sake of coming to truly believe whatever you will believe as your own, and not simply some coattail ride on parental religion.

I must tell you Anti, two years ago, I began my own trek into agnosticism, and yet when nearly at the bottom of the "slippery slope" I declared myself atheist and felt the weight of the world was crushing me. I squirmed out of that confession and held onto faith in God. But just as surely, I still have many unresolved questions. I have shelved them for fear that there are no answers.

I simply cannot stop believing in God...in Jesus.

But I understand a little bit of your journey and also your concern for losing relationship because of it. I have been shunned by quite a number of Christians and since hitting the brakes on my trek to unbelief, a few of my atheist friends, though not adverse to me, simply don't engage me in conversation so much anymore.

I am everyone's lost cause. I wish you to know that no matter what you think, where you find answers, no matter who, in the end, does or does not receive you and your beliefs, you are no one's lost cause!

For what it's worth...my thoughts and best wishes,

OD

As an atheist, I think I might have some tips for you:

If you think it would create a problem I would just avoid making a 'declaration'. With very religious people, declaring that you're atheist or agnostic usually is accepted worse than if you were to come out of the closet declaring you're gay. Despite the outcry of the gay community, atheists are actually less trusted according to polls.

If they're liberal Catholics, then you probably really wouldn't have that much a problem with it. But, I don't know your parents, so how can I know?

My parents are pretty liberal (maybe except for my father at many times), and they're Lutheran. I'm atheist, but I never got them in an awkward family meeting to 'declare myself'; I didn't see the point. Over time, after many philosophical or political discussions with my family, and after an obviously long period of not going to church, I think they just got it that I was atheist. Likewise, if you just let it settle in, they would be much more inclined to think that your decision to be atheist or agnostic is more grounded in your own personal decision and opinion, rather than a fleeting emotion or apathy.

I hope that helped you some.

Hmm... Antithesis, do you know how many times you will go back and forth from home to college? Leaving home is usually gradual. So which time do you mean? The last time? You do plan on going back for visits, right?

I personally don't think you need to tell them. It will become apparent over time, and if they care to find out, they'll ask.

Try Gnostic
Church of Gnostic Luminism: Luminist Manifesto: Basic Concepts

We Are One - Fashions for Peace

I'm not into spiritualism. Agnosticism is a belief system based on the idea that it is impossible to know the answers to these great questions.

Thanks for all of your advice, guys. I think I'll just let them figure it out and give it time. By the time they come to a conclusion, I think they'll be used to the idea.

Understood!

YouTube - SAGA 1992 "On The Loose" (9)

One day you feel quite stable
The next you're comin' off the wall
But I think you should warn me
If you start heading for a fall
I see the problem start
I watch the tension grow
I see you keeping it to yourself
And then instead of reaching conclusions
I see you reaching for something else

No one can stop you now
Tonight you're on the loose
No one to tell you how
Tonight you're on the loose

I see no harm or danger in escaping
If the method suits the style
We put the mind on idle
And let the others take it for awhile
When the pace is too fast
And I think I won't last
You know where I'll be found
I'll be standing here beside myself
Getting ready for the final round

No one can stop you now
Tonight you're on the loose
No one to tell you how
Tonight you're on the loose

The time we feel most stable
Is the time we're comin' off the wall
And there's every indication
We may be heading for a fall
So let the problems start
And let the tension grow
We'll be keeping it to ourselves
And while they're busy reaching their conclusions
We'll be reaching for something else

No one can stop you now
Tonight you're on the loose
No one to tell you how
Tonight you're on the loose

I think that is a wise move. Let it soak in at a slower rate.

I would like to welcome you to the world of truth and honesty!!

No human can objectively know anything about God which is why I firmly believe that if we could achieve "spiritual honesty", in the sense of not lying about God, the world would be a far better place.

Truth, even if it means saying "I don't know" in regards to God, is always the most enlightened spiritual route.

I don't think you need to make any blanket announcement to your parents. You have doubts, and know you don't know things...that's good. But on the basis of those doubts to announce anything to anyone would just not be necessary. You wouldn't be called upon to confess your sins to your parents, and everyone has had them throughout their lives. I dropped out of attending church at age 15, went back after I got married, and then quit again for 30 years.... you work these things out inside your own head. I tried on secular humanism.....it was ok for a while, but the contradictions got to me.

You have to know that "faith" is a jump into a belief without any tangible evidence.... My husband used to say selling life insurance was sort of like selling religion....if people can't see it, can't touch it, can see no evidence it exists...it's a hard sell.

But in time you will see evidence. You will feel it as well. Keep your mind open.

Part of growing up is rebelling. We all want to be different from our parents. Today the younger generation thinks they are smarter and know more than their parents, and in many instances they do modern technology has provided this opportunity. It is part of growing up and finding one's own identity. For the longest time I thought I was different than my parents, however, now the older I get, the more I find I am in many ways just like them.

dmk