Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Gail.

This didn't get any laughs at the BC board either.

And you'd know this because of why? Or are you depending solely on responses to a thread to determine whether or not anybody laughed?

Responses would usually be a good indicator as to whether anybody got a good laugh. Quite frankly, I would have thought this kind of humour would have gone over well with the Brits.

That's where you and I differ then...Although response are nice, I don't base my opinion of a joke on the number of responses to it. Some people don't want to post responses to threads, but still enjoy the reads irregardlessly. That's why they're called LURKERS. They lurk about, but just don't respond to the threads regardless of personal agreement, enjoyment, or whatever.

A thread about the Marines called "Army Life" is funny...

Well, you know hows us rednecks are...Dang, I'm proud of being a southern redneck. WOOOHOOOO!!!

By the way, sent you a loooooong e-mail as you requested. Hope your eyes recover soon.

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at
the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed,
and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have
heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling
up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for
everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get
into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody
ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too
hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many
seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and
sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a
chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins
with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and
Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what
I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I
will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St.
Peter.

"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but
I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name
could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February
2nd, March 2nd... "

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and
I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I
will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the
third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.

"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two
questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as
the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it
from the song, "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM
HIS OWN... . "

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run."

And for the finale this evening....

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying b*****d! You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and
took it home

"I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a d****d thing."

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

And last, but not least:

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."

Omg im crying from laughing