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Today's Wisecracks

Humor Please share with us anything that you find to be humorous!

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Old 10-23-2007, 03:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Today's Wisecracks
How does a blonde switch off the light after having sex?

She closes the car door.
[IMG][/IMG]

Doggone it darn right you betcha bless your heart maverick
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Old 10-23-2007, 04:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
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What does a blonde say after making love?

"So, are you guys all on the same team?"
If at first you don’t succeed – try, try again and then quit. There’s no sense in making a damned fool of yourself. – W.C. Fields

Old 10-23-2007, 04:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
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English humour (please feel free to adapt to local conditions)

What do you call a Liverpudlian guy in a suit?

The defendant.




What do you call a Liverpudlian girl in a white track suit?

The bride.
[IMG][/IMG]

Doggone it darn right you betcha bless your heart maverick
Old 10-24-2007, 01:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
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There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note.

"I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde". She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.

The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note... "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
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Doggone it darn right you betcha bless your heart maverick
Old 10-24-2007, 01:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

The Russians used a pencil.
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Old 10-24-2007, 03:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by garysher View Post
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

The Russians used a pencil.
HA!
What Profit Is It To A Man...If He Gains The World But Loses His Own Soul {Matthew 16:26}
Old 10-29-2007, 09:46 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by garysher View Post
English humour (please feel free to adapt to local conditions)

What do you call a Liverpudlian guy in a suit?

The defendant.




What do you call a Liverpudlian girl in a white track suit?

The bride.

What's the most confusing day in Liverpool?

Father's Day.
If at first you don’t succeed – try, try again and then quit. There’s no sense in making a damned fool of yourself. – W.C. Fields

Old 10-29-2007, 09:47 AM   #8 (permalink)
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What's a Hillbilly's idea of foreplay?

"Pssssst! Sis, wake up!"
If at first you don’t succeed – try, try again and then quit. There’s no sense in making a damned fool of yourself. – W.C. Fields

Old 10-29-2007, 10:16 AM   #9 (permalink)
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How do we say "I love you" in Wyoming?

"Bitch, get in the truck."
If at first you don’t succeed – try, try again and then quit. There’s no sense in making a damned fool of yourself. – W.C. Fields

Old 10-29-2007, 10:24 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I use to laugh at blonde jokes, but those that got this thread started are truly disgusting. I would say offensive, except I am not so easily swayed by immature outbursts as that.

OhDear
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