Ok, I admit it. I didn't get it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mytmouse57 Ha, ha... I had similar experiences with some personal ads. Lots of people do meet that way, but there's also many horror stories to tell.

Well I have had my share of dud-dates, let me tell ya.

But here is just one from back when I was in high school. Between my junior and senior year, I got a summer job at the local hospital, in the admissions office.

A fella who was a student nurse from the college would seek me out for light conversation from time to time, and then he asked me to go out with him for a movie date. I thought, "Woo-hoo! An older man!"

You know, like I was 17 and he was maybe 20...

Well we went to see Romeo and Juliet. And I did not say one word about it initially, but he laughed at the most inappropriate moments. I mean to me, this was a romantic movie, and all he could do was howl at the way Romeo looked in tights! Duh, if you ask me.

Then I cried at the end, and was wiping tears away as we filed out of the theatre and he laughed at me!!!

I could not believe how immature he was acting. And yet when he talked to me at work, he seemed to be grown up.

After he asked if I wanted to get a bite to eat, and I said sure. He took me to the A&W. He ordered himself five, I repeat FIVE Coney Dogs!!! Then he glanced at me and asked if I wanted anything! I said I lost my appetite and no thank you...

On the way home, he had the windows all down in his car and it being evening, there was a bit of a nip in the air. I crossed my arms and he told me that I was being defensive, and I said, "No, I am being cold."

I thanked him for a unique evening and avoided him everafter...

OhDear

Pen, I admire your humility.

OhDear

A couple of Irish deer hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls out of his deer stand, to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and dials 999, He tells the operator, "My friend is dead! My friend is dead! What can I do?"


The operator, in a calm, soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead."


There is a silence ... then a shot is heard.
The hunter comes back on the line and says, "OK. Now what?"

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no" the man replies.

"Can you get him for me?" she asks. "I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't", breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him", she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies washroom."

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by a shipwreck!!!!!!


2 Italian Men and 1 Italian Woman.
2 French Men and 1 French Woman.
2 German Men and 1 German Woman.
2 Greek Men and 1 Greek Woman.
2 English Men and 1 English Woman.
2 Bulgarian Men and 1 Bulgarian Woman.
2 Japanese Men and 1 Japanese Woman.
2 Chinese Men and 1 Chinese Woman.
2 American Men and 1 American Woman.
2 Irish Men and 1 Irish Woman.


After some initial confusion, a month goes by. On this absolutely stunning deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:


One Italian Man killed the other Italian Man for the Italian Woman.
The Two French Men and the French Woman are living happily together in a menage-a -trois.
The Two German Men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German Woman.
The Two Greek Men are sleeping with each other and the Greek Woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English Men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English Woman.
The two Bulgarian Men took one long look at the endless ocean, and another long look at the Bulgarian Woman, and started swimming.
The two Japanese Men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese Men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry.
They have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.


The two American Men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American Woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; she wonders about the necessity of fulfillment; debates the equal division of household chores; pines on about how sand and palm trees make her look fat; reviews how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; thinks that her relationship with her mother is improving......and at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

Irish Baby Story

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan, and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?"

She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Fadder."

The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"

She replied, "No, not yet, Fadder."

The Father said, "Well, now, I'm goin' to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband."

She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Fadder." They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"

She replied, "Oh, very well, Fadder!"

The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye been blessed with any wee ones yet?"

She replied, "Oh yes, Fadder! T'ree sets o'twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!"

The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?"

She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."

OhDear

Still is like sleeping, get it now?

OhDear

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, “no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes.” The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes and if you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your little duck beak to the bar!''

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''

Confused, the bartender says “no”!

''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?”