i'm with baloney on the whole communication thing.

i mean, it just sounds like there's lots of assumptions going on here.

trust me on this: girls are not an alien race. we're just people. i mean, if you think there's something special you have to say or some special way you have to say them... nah. just be yourself, talk to the girl like she's just... a person. you'll do fine.

and i know all about shyness. if you're introverted, what you'll find is that you can open up... you're just a little pickier about who you open up to. and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Yeah Anti dude.. i seriously forget ur not even an adult sometimes. YOu have an exceptional storehouse of general knowledge and you have a clear and analystical mind..

Of course that tends to matter diddlysquat in the girl department at your age. But do not despair .. before you know it, it will mean everything. And btw it will also mean that later on in life you will get the smart girls. And TRUST me (as one who has dated all sorts ) ONE DATE with an intelligent girl is worth a THOUSAND with one who isn't at your intellectual level.

Now about being shy... M. Scott Peck has written " A road Less Travelled". I sincerely advise you to read this book as it is the text that help me reach adulthood. Anyhow he describes a basic human condition.. We as humans have a tendency to evade less pain in the present in exchange for greater pain in the future.

Shyness is one example of that. Shyness essentially comes from a fear of rejection (something that permeates almost everything you do as a teenager.. so there's nothing odd about how u feel). This fear often leads to inaction.. you don't tell the girl how much you like her.. you don't show her how you feel or who you are ... because you are afraid of being judged and being found wanting.

So in order to escape the pain of rejection, you don't take the risk, and instead you wind up dealing with the pain/frustration of being a shy person.

My purpose isn't to make you feel bad for being that way ( i assure you i was the exact same).. However i can guarantee that the frustration of being shy/akward/unable to express yourself is far greater than the momentary pain of rejection.

When you realize that:
1) Rejection isn't nearly as painful as you fear
2) Rejection mostly has very little to do with who YOU are.. It is not a judgement of you on a greater scale. It is merely the judgement of one human about another.. and as such fallible.

Well then confidence is an inevitable result.

It is important to remember that if you ever get rejected it is still to your advantage. If a chick is not able to understand/appreciate/desire YOU.. well then so be it.. Believe me, it is not worth the effort to try and change a girl's mind if she doesn't want to be with you... I call it coercive dating and it inevitably leads to bigger problems.

Anyhow i do not think that YOU have anything to worry about. You have every reason to be a confident young man. You are smart,articulate, i have no doubt you have a sense of humor, and i am SURE that you have a bright future ahead of you.

Hold your head high young man.... ( you can see more girls that way )

Talk to your girl and don't worry about the outcome.. worst case scenario is that nothing will happen... well nothing is really happening right now so it won't be that much of a change. Don't worry.

And i second OD.. you should tell her to join this forum ( fi she likes debating that is) because your posts are impressive.. especially considering your tender years.

Update: I decided not to pursue it. It's less shyness than the fact that I realized I'd have to inevitably dumb myself down to get along, but I don't want to do that. She's nice and all, but I want someone I can be myself with. We don't really share much in common, either, so it's not particularly easy to relate. I doubt there's any chemistry there. We're good as friends, though.

But I'm optimistic. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Great attitude Anti.. good show

Peck's book is highly regarded because it's so obviously full of wisdom, something rare today. Great advice, hkb, and I can only add one thing..... question and watch your own expectations....because it's our expectations that cause us misery.... if our expectations are out of line with reality, we are miserable, and if we question them, if we realistically look at them from the viewpoint of another person, as in relationships, we can frequently see what needs to be adjusted.

It takes time and dating practice to discover what sort of person you can build a life with, and what you want and expect from a mate. It's all education, and it's all pretty difficult. Once you realize you can make yourself miserable by unrealistic expectations, it's much easier to pull out of feeling bad. But, that doesn't mean we will never feel bad.... Just that when we do, we need to look carefully at our own expectations, and discover whether or not they are realistic...especially if another human is involved.

Good advice.z

You figured it out. Good for you!!!!

I was shy when I was young but found several ways to deal with shyness over the years. You probably feel self conscious about yourself, I know I did when I was young. I'd spend a lot of time looking for physical imperfections on my body and other imperfections in my personality. The key to confidence with women is to realize they do the same times ten. The most beautiful woman in the world worries constantly that someone will discover their imperfection, this should give you confidence when you approach a nice looking woman with knowledge you have a ten to one advantage. She is worrying about not only men but also women's view of her and you could give a darn about how men view you. Confidence is the key, and with confidence and appreciation for a woman's viewpoint of men in general you should have no problem. When you see a woman that looks like a "ten" approach her like she has six toes on each foot and you will do just fine.

I was always shy too. As a rather tall kid, I have always stood out of the pack and drawn attention to myself. The last thing an only child wanted. So I withdrew and just became what people would call a "nerd". It wasn't until I joined the Marine Corps and met some VERY outrageous personalities did I "find myself".
Looking back from where I am now, I'm not particularly happy with what I found, but that's another story.
Just give it time, when you find out what YOU want, you'll be more prepared to make yourself happy. Cause the last thing you want to do is get with someone you think you like, when you don't know yourself yet. Then you just have hurt feelings on both sides when the "true" you comes out.

Man, I was very, very shy in school. Most of that was due to being ostracized, I guess, for my handicap. I still am shy, too.

Not me. I became a sarcastic asshole who is known to be the first one to call out a f'd up situation. Thank GOODNESS I don't have to have a job. It was hard keeping quiet about f'd up crap in the weekly meetings when I was a collections agent. After 2 years of unemployment, I doubt I could work in a corporate setting any more.