Easy to answer in my case.

I "sold my self short."

It's a habit I developed in dating... thinking I had to "settle" for just whoever... because somebody I would be truely excited about would not be interesed in me.

I'm done with it. There will be no more compromising of my standards. Even if that means I have to be alone from here on out.

Sometimes, our simpleist faults are the hardest ones for us to see in ourselves. But once you realize what the problem is, it's relatively easy to solve, IMO.

Actually, for the first years of our marriage, things were great. He was a great provider, loved the kids, etc.

Then he got with a group of people that I think made him feel important. He started drinking heavy, so I left him.

For the first 5 years of our separation he did pay child support, like clockwork, every week. Then he went through what I consider a mid-life crisis, expensive clothes, electronics, etc, and suddenly he didn't have enough money to pay me anymore (although his real expenses hadn't changed and he had gotten a raise at work). I ended up having to take him to court, and that just pissed him off more because they were going to garnish his wages. So he quit his $30.00/hour job and disappeared.

Oh there was no "passion" involved with my ex-wife and I.

We just annoyed the shit out of one another. LOL!

Knot, have you tried using a company that will enforce the support payments, and recover the back due? A friend of mine works as an associate to one of these such companies. The only setbacks in recovering the back due amounts are: 1) You must have an actual judgment, and not just your word, so yes, you will have to track him down to have him served.2) These companies charge from 35-50% of the judgment using the argument that it is better to have 50% of something, rather than 100% of nothing. Sometimes in my spare time, I assist my friend in locating such people who seemingly have "fallen of the face of the Earth". It's actually easier than you might imagine. The IRS and DMV are great starting points. Any licensed hobby he may have (such as hunting or fishing) is another.

MJ

I think the problem with love is that humans are actually supposed to be pack animals, not swans that pair off for life.

We are supposed to have multiple lovers and many friends around at all times.

When we try to isolate ourselves 2 and 2 in all these little boxes (homes) it ends up becoming lifeless and the passion becomes in jeopardy.

I think we are social animals, but not socially sexual. But that's my opinion. Although the isolation that is so easy to fall into in this society can place stress on a relationship. I spent a couple hours with my new neighbors yesterday and it felt great. But I don't think I want to screw his wife and I damn sure I don't want any one else screwing mine.

Not that there aren't well known "key parties" thrown in a subdivision down the street. But that a different story.

So Fx, enlighten me here. What in the cat hair is a key party?

OhDear

Urban Dictionary: key party

I have heard about one very large subdivision from several unrelated people. Some of which used to actually live there and knew people that did it.

The essense of being human is overcoming your base animalistic side, IMO.

Marriage is part of that. Despite my rocky track record and the wounds my heart has suffered, I'm still very much a believer in it, and hope to again be married someday -- this time for life.