Love and Marriage - Page 15

mytmouse57 · 10-15-2007, 01:32 PM

Love is ONE good reason to be married.

But if respect, true friendship, the right circumstances and compatablity aren't there as well, Love ain't gonna get you there by itself.

nuttyjoe · 10-15-2007, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mytmouse57

Love is ONE good reason to be married.

But if respect, true friendship, the right circumstances and compatablity aren't there as well, Love ain't gonna get you there by itself.

As usual, Mouse; you've hit the nail directly on the head. you must be a carpenter!
Love is a good reason to get married-perhaps the best reason to do so. But as you've pointed out; the absence of the other reasons you stated will either guarantee either a long, lasting marriage (rare in today's world) or a failed marriage (with all its attendant problems such as the divorce, child support payments- if any, legal fees, and the worst of them all: having to face the fact that you've failed in something).
The percentage of divorces bear this out. I won't claim to be a personal expert on Love and Marriage; I'm recently divorced myself. And Ihave went through all of the attendant problems (in some ways I still am) of a failed marriage. I do believe if the reasons Mouse pointed out had really been there ( instead of my ex and myself kidding ourselves that it was) we could have saved ourselves a few years of happiness and contentment.

knot_e_lady · 10-16-2007, 08:04 AM

Well, all I can say that my family has a record of good marriages. My oldest sister just celebrated her 41st anniversary, my brother will be celebrating his 36th in January, Jean will be celebrating 28 in just a couple days, Mary will be celebrating 23, and myself will be 8.

The two common denominators in all of these marriages is not just love, but the couples are each other's best friends.

nuttyjoe · 10-16-2007, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knot_e_lady

Well, all I can say that my family has a record of good marriages. My oldest sister just celebrated her 41st anniversary, my brother will be celebrating his 36th in January, Jean will be celebrating 28 in just a couple days, Mary will be celebrating 23, and myself will be 8.

The two common denominators in all of these marriages is not just love, but the couples are each other's best friends.

That is the sense of commitment, Knot; which is also a key ingredient. In my case, my parents fell short of their 50th anniversary by 2 months when my mother passed away in 2005. We still had a huge celebration, because she always believed in commitment. I remember her saying that there should be no problem that cannot be solved. That was not to be in my case.
In a different area of this; how many Black couples do you know of could claim marraige for even more than 30 years? Very few, I'll wager. As a child, my siblings and myself were actually "freaks of nature" to be in this position. But I wouldn't have traded it for all the tea in China. And it is not just a Black problem; this problem is endemic for all races. Nowadays, children don't have brothers or sisters anymore; they have half-siblings. How do we expect politicians running for office to represent family values, when we cannot do so ourselves?

OhDear · 10-16-2007, 09:46 PM

Too many people who are willing to work so very hard for success in business, seem to be clueless that marriage too takes work.

Somehow the notion is that since there is love, it should come easy. Work, commitment, focus are all key to making a lasting relationship with the one you love. Love all by itself, that cannot deliberate a unity of life ought not be thought of as reason enough to marry.

OhDear

fxashun · 10-16-2007, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nuttyjoe

That is the sense of commitment, Knot; which is also a key ingredient. In my case, my parents fell short of their 50th anniversary by 2 months when my mother passed away in 2005. We still had a huge celebration, because she always believed in commitment. I remember her saying that there should be no problem that cannot be solved. That was not to be in my case.
In a different area of this; how many Black couples do you know of could claim marraige for even more than 30 years? Very few, I'll wager. As a child, my siblings and myself were actually "freaks of nature" to be in this position. But I wouldn't have traded it for all the tea in China. And it is not just a Blaxck problem; this problem is endemic for all races. Nowadays, children don't have brothers or sisters anymore; they have half-siblings. How do we expect politicians running for office to represent family values, when we cannot do so ourselves?

I was raised in a "single-parent household". My mother was 26 when she had me. It pisses me off when she says she "waited until she knew she was ready" to have kids. Fuck that. I would have loved to have my father there. Don't get me wrong, I love both my parents and I think my mom did a pretty decent job. But I can't help but wonder how my life would be different with two loving parents.

I've been with my wife for 13 years. I am committed to this relationship. I know her crazy fits my crazy. If I wasn't convinced she felt the same, I wouldn't be here. And my 3 year old son has cemented me to them as far as I'm concerned because I don't want to think I was the cause of my son not living with his father.

nuttyjoe · 10-16-2007, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fxashun

I was raised in a "single-parent household". My mother was 26 when she had me. It pisses me off when she says she "waited until she knew she was ready" to have kids. Fuck that. I would have loved to have my father there. Don't get me wrong, I love both my parents and I think my mom did a pretty decent job. But I can't help but wonder how my life would be different with two loving parents.

I've been with my wife for 13 years. I am committed to this relationship. I know her crazy fits my crazy. If I wasn't convinced she felt the same, I wouldn't be here. And my 3 year old son has cemented me to them as far as I'm concerned because I don't want to think I was the cause of my son not living with his father.

Good point, FX. There are entirely too many children out in America without their fathers; for whatever reason the biological parents care to admit to. Even though I am divorced, my son is everything to me. There can't be, and won't be any absentee father for him. I took my ex back to court when she denied visitation before; and the Family Court Commisioner explained to her just how lucky she was to have an ex-husband who is so involved with all aspects of his child's upbringing- right before he "threw the book" at her for denial of visitation (a Class C or D felony in my area).

fxashun · 10-17-2007, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nuttyjoe

Good point, FX. There are entirely too many children out in America without their fathers; for whatever reason the biological parents care to admit to. Even though I am divorced, my son is everything to me. There can't be, and won't be any absentee father for him. I took my ex back to court when she denied visitation before; and the Family Court Commisioner explained to her just how lucky she was to have an ex-husband who is so involved with all aspects of his child's upbringing- right before he "threw the book" at her for denial of visitation (a Class C or D felony in my area).

Congrats on sticking with it. I know it'll pay off in the long run for your son to see how much you care. Even as a 38 year old man I still feel giddy when I go see my father. Anybody who says there's no need for a father in the life of a child can kiss my f'n ass. Here's a pic of me, my father, my son, and my hottie wife. I'm the nerd in the glasses.

nuttyjoe · 10-17-2007, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fxashun

Congrats on sticking with it. I know it'll pay off in the long run for your son to see how much you care. Even as a 38 year old man I still feel giddy when I go see my father. Anybody who says there's no need for a father in the life of a child can kiss my f'n ass. Here's a pic of me, my father, my son, and my hottie wife. I'm the nerd in the glasses.

Thank you, FX. I also agree with you that there is, and always will be a need for a father in a child's life. It has taken courts too long to accept this. There are still courts that think that - like in the past - a child does not need a father to live, only a mother. That a father's participation is not really necessary in a child's life. This really needs to change.

knot_e_lady · 10-17-2007, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nuttyjoe

That a father's participation is not really necessary in a child's life. This really needs to change.

I sincerely think it has changed, joe. You see more and more fathers getting either full or joint custody of their kids.

On the other hand, how can so many men just walk away from their kids?

I personally know of 3 men that have done so, just in my family. My father, my sister's first husband (he signed away all rights to his daughter just so he wouldn't have to pay child support. My sister's current husband of 23 years adopted Sarah years ago), and my ex.

Interestingly enough, all three were willing to not see their kids just so they wouldn't have to pay support.

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